Ready for Marriage?

You have your whole life to be married.  You only have a short time to be single.  Where all you have to do is focus on God.  There are no distractions. No man you have to cater to and no children.  Just you and the good Lord. I don’t know about you but I think that’s pretty perfect.  You must desire God more than anything.  More than your desire to be in a relationship.  More than your desire to be married.  More than your desire to have a wedding.  More than your desire to have children.  If you don’t you put yourself in a dangerous position.  A danger position to start placing that thing whatever it may be above God.  You put all your time and devotion into that thing than you do your relationship with God.  And that thing turns into and idol.  It becomes your God.  And you know one of the 10 Commandments “You may have no other idols before me.”  All of those idols at some point in time will fail you. You want to be married or in a relationship because your lonely? NEWSFLASH: Bad reason!  Only God
can fill your loneliness void.  No man can ever do that. No man is perfect. So when they mess up because you held them to a higher standard and placed all these unnecessary expectations on them you’ll become angry and frustrated.  Which will often times lead you to a break-up or a divorce.  This is why you must keep God first always.

                Although I myself do desire to be married I trust in the Lord’s timing.  Let me just tell you that if you have the desire to get married you will.  How do I know? Because God said in Genesis 2:18, “it is not good for man to be alone.” So calm down.  As a single this is your time to focus on you.  Sorry to break it to you but many of you women are not ready to be in a relationship or to get married.  I myself included.  I know that if I was to jump into a relationship I would mess up that man’s life.  I’m not ready.  I believe you date to marry.  Every relationship serves a purpose.  The purpose of dating is to see if that person is the right one for you to marry.  That’s why I am not dating anyone!  Because I’m not ready to be married.  Get it? I want to be married but I’m not ready to be married.  Therefore I don’t date.  It’s that simple.  At this time I need to focus on my relationship with God and He needs to fix me in a few areas before I’m properly ready to be a wife.  In marriage you cannot be selfish, you need to be loving, patient, kind, and submissive.  And I need work in each and every one of those areas! Just being real!  Once you’re married you cannot dump a man just because he made you mad.  And honestly I struggle with that when people make me mad I usually leave them and move on to the next.  That’s not the way it works in marriage.  You cannot just up and leave every time something doesn’t go your way.  As I press into Christ and spend time with him daily he begins to work on me and fix me in areas I need work on.    I challenge you to ask yourself what areas do you need work on?  Are you impatient?  Do you like to take control of every situation which is why you have problems submitting to authority? Do things have to be your way or the highway? If so it doesn’t look like your ready for a relationship or marriage yet either.  You can learn a lot about marriage and relationships by reading books on relationships and talking to Christian couples who are married and learn from them. For, example I read the book So You Want to Be Married by Cornelius Lindsey and it taught me a lot.  Information that I needed to know and often times I say to myself dang well if I would have been married already I would have went in without knowing this good information.  As I read these books and spend time with God I am continuing to prepare myself to be married.

Instead of looking for “the one” focus on becoming “the one.” Many women write their little list of “Top 10 things I want in a man” Then you pop off at the mouth and you say if he ain't got x,y, & z then he ain't the one for me.  Ladies this must stop.  Have your standards please! Never settle but learn that the number one most important thing is that your man is 100% fully devoted and committed to Christ.  Once married the man must be the head of the household and if his relationship with God is non-existent then you’re in big trouble.  I just briefly touched on submission and how it’s important to be a submissive wife but it’s really going to be hard to do that if the man that your married to is being lead by his own wicked ways and not God. God must be at the center of any relationship and if He’s not that relationship is no good.  So back to the list.  We cannot be caught up on finding a man that meets all of the requirements on your list.  Why? Because I’ve learned from people that are married that their spouse didn’t meet all of those requirements yet they still married them.  Why? Because God had to still develop them in those areas.  Most of them say that since they’ve been married they’ve seen there spouse develop in that particular area that they might have been weak in prior to their marriage.  I’m not saying you can change a man.  So don’t go around married this unsaved man and think you can jump the broom and hope and wish that the Lord will develop them to become a Christian.  No doesn’t work like that.  We must be equally yoked.  We cannot marry unbelievers.  But as I began we have to stop looking for the one and start becoming the one.  Instead of writing your top 10 list of things you need in a man flip that around and write your top 10 list of things you need to be for your future spouse.  Submissive? More Patient? Kind? Whatever it is work on that.  And if you don’t know the areas you need work in ask God to show you your heart.  He will and He’ll help you grow and develop.

                Instead of crying, whining, and complaining to God about being wanting to be married learn to enjoy being single!  And you’re wondering how on earth can I do that?  Start by working on you!  Spend time with God daily. Read your Bible, listen to sermons, read devotionals.  When you’re fully devoted to chasing after God you will not have time to chase after a man.  Stop watching wedding shows such as David Tutera and Say Yes To The Dress when you know they make you sad and lust after a relationship.  Don’t listen to love songs like “All My Life” by KC & JO JO when you know you’re just going to end up depressed and down in the dumps because you have yet to be married.  Don’t set yourself up for that.  Guard your heart.  You know if watching those TV shows and listening to that music is a weak area for you and makes you start questioning God’s timing.  Continue to chase after God and before you know it He’ll be presenting you to your Adam.